A family portrait

Caroline is quite the artiste. She loves to color and draw. She is constantly asking for her 'colors' i.e. crayons. I keep them out of her reach in a zippered baggie. The out of her reach part came a few weeks ago when she showed me she knew how to open the zippered part. Fun times.

I claim she gets her creative streak from me. I have always loved arts and crafts and while I don't claim to be great at drawing I do have a pretty good knack for it. I drew Mickey Mouse for Caroline once and now she is always asking me to repeat the gesture. And, I believe I've mentioned before one or two of the things I have made for the kids or the house.

We had lunch at Big Boy's yesterday since Caroline had a free lunch to use up as part of their birthday club. She always makes sure to ask the hostess for crayons. Or rather she says "where my crayons??" to make sure they give them to her. This visit I joined in with her to keep her focused on coloring instead of driving the people around us crazy with her antics :) I simply flipped my placemat over to have a clean slate of coloring space. She recently bought a Magna Doodle with some birthday money and I have been keeping her occupied and out of toddler fit throwing by drawing things for her. The other day she asked me to draw daddy and she loved it so much she had me draw everyone in the house. She repeated her request at Big Boy's and now I had the room to draw all of us together! She laughed hysterically as each person took shape and she knew who I was drawing without me telling her so I must be accurate in my representation :)


After I was done and we had giggled enough she asked Brad for his placemat and flipped it over just like mine. Then she took my crayon (they had to be identical evidently!) and drew everyone herself. As she drew each of us she told me who she was drawing and asked me to write the names in. I of course praised her and knew I would treasure both of these pictures for a long time. She was so proud of her artwork and she should be! I think this is one of my favorite pictures of Brad EVER :) and, hey, I don't look too bad myself!

Word Up Wednesday

So many of the blogs I read do a post weekly that is titled "Wordless Wednesday". As you may derive from the title it is a post with just a picture. Of their kids doing something cute. Of some new decor they put in their house. Of some type of nature they observed. Anything really but the picture is supposed to speak for itself.

The picture I have can't do that. So I am taking the other route and 'wording' up my post. I found this pic amongst all the Christmas ones I had uploaded. I had forgotten about it but I took it with the sole purpose to blog about it.

It started when I heard the words no one wants to hear come from their husband. I was in the living room taking care of Mark and Brad was in another part of the house. I heard him speak an exasperated expletive. Since I knew Caroline had been following him around and getting into things I immediately perked up. Then those words you never want to hear came.

"How dangerous is it for a kid to eat aluminum foil?"

Umm, what??

He then brought me this item:



That's bread that my mom bakes for Christmas and gives it as one of our gifts. Somehow Caroline had gotten into the room where we had all the boxes of gifts we were going through and putting away. That's where she found the bread.

And chowed down.

As I began researching and trying to find out if we had to worry or do anything about this Brad found the piece of tin foil and chunk of bread that she must have spit out. She's just fine.

And well fed.

I swear we feed her :)

A doula for you-la

I would like to take this opportunity-while Caroline builds with blocks and Mark naps-to talk about the best decision I made after getting pregnant for the second time. I knew before Mark was a sparkle in my eye that I would have a doula this time around.

If you don't know what a doula is go look it up. I can't explain it well :) Well, that is only a half truth. I can explain what my doula was. She was an angel.

She was also our friend. Brad has known Helen since they were in college and over the four years I have been with him I have come to count Helen as one of my friends. After this experience I know I will always have a heartfelt connection with her. After all, anyone who has seen me from behind in a hospital gown is required to remain my friend. Forever. And still like me :P

Helen reached out to me when she found out I was pregnant and I was so relieved she did. I didn't know how to ask her, 'hey, do you want to be with me, hopefully holding one of my legs as I push another human being into this world?' Hmmmm. How do you put that into words to a friend?? I didn't have to and Helen seemed so excited to begin helping me.

She came to our home several times starting at the beginning of my third trimester. From the get go she was so happy, positive and elated over MY pregnancy. You would think she was the one getting a baby at the end of this thing :)

I had told her that I wanted to be sure that no matter what, in the end I wanted to know I had done everything and tried everything I could to attempt a VBAC. And, with her help I did. She did everything to help me.

I learned good sleeping and stretching and sitting positions. That not only would aid me in delivery but helped give me some much needed comfort towards the end of my journey.

She was an endless library of information. She gave me a book and sent me emails with more links to helpful tools. She even shared with me her birth plan so I could write my own. And, she encouraged me to write one even when it made me nervous and apprehensive.

She introduced me to the world of essential oils. Even when I admitted that I was the world's biggest skeptic but I was willing, she encouraged me and I am ready to admit that I do believe the oils she used on me did help!

She showed Brad and I different massage points on my body to help stimulate labor. While it didn't work well for me it felt wonderful :) In fact the night I spent in the hospital with 'false labor' she was massaging a point on my foot along with rubbing in some oils and I at one point thought my contraction had stopped. I was disheartened but upon looking at the monitor I realized that it didn't stop but rather I stopped feeling it. All because Helen was massaging me and helping me re-focus my energy with her words and guidance. I was shocked at how I really didn't feel anything for a while when she was doing all that!

Through it all she remained positive and always knew what to say to me to keep me there too. She was always available and if I wasn't texting her an update she was sending me one asking for news. I don't think I texted anyone more than her during the last few weeks. She never seemed bothered by me even when my pregnancy got closer to Christmas and celebrations. I always knew she would be available for me and ready to run to my side at a moments notice if I needed her. She told me it was her job but I never felt like she was doing it because she was employed. Helen wanted to be there. I could tell she truly wanted to help me. It was always obvious how much she cared about helping mothers and their children. I couldn't ask for anything more in a labor partner.

When I realized that I would have to make a decision on whether or not to go ahead with the VBAC in the end I think she was the one I was most afraid to tell. I didn't want her to think I failed.

Good thing she would never think that. I cried on the phone when I called to tell her that I had told my doctor to schedule my C-section for the next day. She was still so happy and positive for me. She told me that in the end I would still be giving birth to a baby and that was what mattered. I didn't fail at anything. My baby would still be born. Then she did the best thing I could imagine. She told me she would still be wiht me. I was so surprised. I wouldn't be one of her 'normal moms' to give birth vaginally but she was still going to right there with me before my surgery if I wanted her. I couldn't say yes loud enough!

And, she was there. To bring me more oils, more guidance, more patience, more wisdom, more love. She was there with my husband and mom to help mentally and physically prepare me to go to the OR. She prayed with us, laughed with us and kept me positive all the way to the end.It felt so amazing to have her there with me before that tough time when I was so nervous and scared. She couldn't have done more for me if I had asked her. I don't think there is anything more that I COULD ask for.

My doula did it all. And continues to do it, too. She still offers help with breastfeeding and my fussy, spit-up crazy baby. I still get the emails and the occasional text from her to check in or offer more help. I don't know if this is because she is my friend or my doula or both. But, I'm glad to have had this experience with her.

From one who was always VBAC, essential oil, natural birth skeptical I can't tell enough people how great it all was. I gush to anyone who will listen about how great I think these things all are. And, I am also a big supporter of any mom, whether first time, repeat offender, VBAC....however you are doing it......doula's are wonderful. Find one. Get one. Best decision I made this time around. While with Caroline's birth I felt regret and sadness with Mark's birth I regret nothing. I wouldn't change it now. I know that's how it was supposed to be and I couldn't ask for more. I am at peace and acceptance with everything that happened. I think I owe some of that to my awesome doula as well!

Meet Mark

This year Christmas came a bit early for us. On December 16 I got the best present ever-our son Mark Thomas. He's a little slice of heaven that I imagined having forever and is named after some very special people.

It was three days before my due date and another C-section but I was more than ready to meet my baby.

The last four weeks of my pregnancy were riddled with more discomfort, pain and contractions than I ever remember with Caroline. I even spent the night in labor and delivery one night because we thought it was the real thing. Sadly, I had another repeat of Caroline's false alarms :) And, after all I would go through my body wouldn't go anywhere outside of 1 cm and 50%. So much for making progress.

The Monday before Mark was born I had a klutsy moment and fell down the stairs. Yes, one minute I am standing there in my stocking feet and the next I am slipping downward doing the splits and whacking my head on the banister on the way down. After four hours of observation in L&D the baby was found to be fine and staying put. Whew.

Thursday I had my last doctor's appointment. He checked me and again I was at a 1. Mark was so high he couldn't even strip my membranes to try and help me along. I had done a lot of praying and thinking and had made a very touhg decision. My doctor told me I could wait until Tuesday when he would check me again and if there was no change then that he would do the surgery to get him out. I had waitied so long, been having strong contractions, I was so tired of all the special appointments and tests, I was exhausted and had done everything I could at this point. Four weeks hadn't done anything for my body I didn't think four days would make any difference. I asked him to move forward with the C-section and gave up on the idea of a VBAC. It was heartbreaking to do but I had reached the end of the race and if I was going to have a C-section anyways on Tuesday I wasn't going to spend anymore time in pain. I got a call the next morning that I would be going in at noon and my surgery was scheduled for 2. I felt so good about it at that point.

We left Caroline with my dad and Brad, me and my mom all headed to the hospital. We were met there by my amazing doula, Helen and they all helped me stay calm and wait and prepare.

Finally my time had come and I was so scared and nervous. I walked to the OR and Brad waited outside while they got my spinal done. The doctor on call was GREAT. She walked in and took my hand, put my head on her shoulder and held my back still during the whole spinal process. It was HORRIBLE. I decided in those few moments that a planned C-section was worse than the unplanned. I hated feeling heavy and tingly all over. I felt like I had a pain in my back that I couldn't move away from or change positions. I was so nauseated and I honestly thought to myself: that's it, you idiot. You just slammed the door on anymore children. I am never go to do through this again. And, I began to cry. Brad was at my side by then and kept telling me how amazing I was doing and how much he loved me. The nurses told me I could have medicine for the discomfort and nausea as soon as the baby was out. I coulnd't wait.

The doctor began telling me what was going on. I had quite a bit of scar tissue which slowed the process and she ended up removing a lot of it. I felt the tugging and all of a sudden I heard. "I have the head. That's a BIG head. Honey, this would have been one ugly vaginal birth!!" I finally laughed. After more pulling the doctor said: "here it is. This is a big baby. It's a big baby......BOY! At that point I was so stunned it wasn't a girl that I began screameing "oh my God! Oh my God! I was wrong, I was WRONG!" Everyone laughed at me. I was thrilled to have my boy. They then told me again I could have the medicine now. I realized I didn't need it. As soon as he was out my adrenaline hit the roof and took over. I needed nothing but him. I couldn't even cry for ten minutes I was so high on emotion.

I sent Brad over to him while they finished me up. I remember asking him: does he look ok? Brad turned and said "yeah". I made him lock eyes with me as I tearfully said: NO, does he look OK?? I couldn't bring myself to say the words butBrad understood and assured me our baby was healthy! No chromosomal problems of any kind and everything else was perfect too and we headed to recovery after a bit of snuggling with mom and dad. I again had a larger child whose sugar levels needed to be stabilized so he got a small bottle until I was ready. Again I was feeling crappy from the spinal and morphine and not being able to sit up or move at all.

I assured Brad the two of us would be ok while we worked on nursing and he left to share the news. My dad had brought my sister and Caroline to the hospital at that point so they were there now with mom and Helen and they were all waiting. I was off in recovery a good two hallways/corridors away. I was nursing Mark and my nurses were working on finishing all the paperwork from the surgery. I heard this noise and one of the nurses said "your husband must have just told your family". My family was THAT NOISE I heard!! They all screamed so loud when they found out it was boy that we heard them down in the recovery room! They all came in to meet the little guy and the fun really began. Brad brought Caroline in and she instantly fell in love. She adores her baby brother and is constantly loving on him in some way.

Christmas was wonderful and surely one I will never forget. We started the year off in a special way by having him baptized on New Year's Eve and it was a wonderful night :) We baptized him at the church where my mom works. The pastor is a good friend of our family now and was so happy to do it for us. He did it during mass and it was beautiful. He is actually the priest who married us and Mark's Godparents are actually our best man and maid of honor so I think that made it even more special too!

So far he is doing well health and weight wise. He is a very gassy and spitty baby and we are working on that. I want to pull my hair out at some times but I know it will be worth it in the end. I am currently off of dairy products and some other stuff to see if that helps the situation and we have a re-check of the situation this week with the pedi. I pray it goes well.

Other than that we discover each day something else new and wonderful about having two children and we are all adapting well. I can't wait to see my two babies together this summer and all the summers to come! Maybe another planned C-section or two wouldn't be a bad thing after all....many years from now of course!

Mark Thomas Borek
December 16, 2011 2:45 pm
8 lbs. 14 ounces 21 1/2 inches