If you don't know what a doula is go look it up. I can't explain it well :) Well, that is only a half truth. I can explain what my doula was. She was an angel.
She was also our friend. Brad has known Helen since they were in college and over the four years I have been with him I have come to count Helen as one of my friends. After this experience I know I will always have a heartfelt connection with her. After all, anyone who has seen me from behind in a hospital gown is required to remain my friend. Forever. And still like me :P
Helen reached out to me when she found out I was pregnant and I was so relieved she did. I didn't know how to ask her, 'hey, do you want to be with me, hopefully holding one of my legs as I push another human being into this world?' Hmmmm. How do you put that into words to a friend?? I didn't have to and Helen seemed so excited to begin helping me.
She came to our home several times starting at the beginning of my third trimester. From the get go she was so happy, positive and elated over MY pregnancy. You would think she was the one getting a baby at the end of this thing :)
I had told her that I wanted to be sure that no matter what, in the end I wanted to know I had done everything and tried everything I could to attempt a VBAC. And, with her help I did. She did everything to help me.
I learned good sleeping and stretching and sitting positions. That not only would aid me in delivery but helped give me some much needed comfort towards the end of my journey.
She was an endless library of information. She gave me a book and sent me emails with more links to helpful tools. She even shared with me her birth plan so I could write my own. And, she encouraged me to write one even when it made me nervous and apprehensive.
She introduced me to the world of essential oils. Even when I admitted that I was the world's biggest skeptic but I was willing, she encouraged me and I am ready to admit that I do believe the oils she used on me did help!
She showed Brad and I different massage points on my body to help stimulate labor. While it didn't work well for me it felt wonderful :) In fact the night I spent in the hospital with 'false labor' she was massaging a point on my foot along with rubbing in some oils and I at one point thought my contraction had stopped. I was disheartened but upon looking at the monitor I realized that it didn't stop but rather I stopped feeling it. All because Helen was massaging me and helping me re-focus my energy with her words and guidance. I was shocked at how I really didn't feel anything for a while when she was doing all that!
Through it all she remained positive and always knew what to say to me to keep me there too. She was always available and if I wasn't texting her an update she was sending me one asking for news. I don't think I texted anyone more than her during the last few weeks. She never seemed bothered by me even when my pregnancy got closer to Christmas and celebrations. I always knew she would be available for me and ready to run to my side at a moments notice if I needed her. She told me it was her job but I never felt like she was doing it because she was employed. Helen wanted to be there. I could tell she truly wanted to help me. It was always obvious how much she cared about helping mothers and their children. I couldn't ask for anything more in a labor partner.
When I realized that I would have to make a decision on whether or not to go ahead with the VBAC in the end I think she was the one I was most afraid to tell. I didn't want her to think I failed.
Good thing she would never think that. I cried on the phone when I called to tell her that I had told my doctor to schedule my C-section for the next day. She was still so happy and positive for me. She told me that in the end I would still be giving birth to a baby and that was what mattered. I didn't fail at anything. My baby would still be born. Then she did the best thing I could imagine. She told me she would still be wiht me. I was so surprised. I wouldn't be one of her 'normal moms' to give birth vaginally but she was still going to right there with me before my surgery if I wanted her. I couldn't say yes loud enough!
And, she was there. To bring me more oils, more guidance, more patience, more wisdom, more love. She was there with my husband and mom to help mentally and physically prepare me to go to the OR. She prayed with us, laughed with us and kept me positive all the way to the end.It felt so amazing to have her there with me before that tough time when I was so nervous and scared. She couldn't have done more for me if I had asked her. I don't think there is anything more that I COULD ask for.
My doula did it all. And continues to do it, too. She still offers help with breastfeeding and my fussy, spit-up crazy baby. I still get the emails and the occasional text from her to check in or offer more help. I don't know if this is because she is my friend or my doula or both. But, I'm glad to have had this experience with her.
From one who was always VBAC, essential oil, natural birth skeptical I can't tell enough people how great it all was. I gush to anyone who will listen about how great I think these things all are. And, I am also a big supporter of any mom, whether first time, repeat offender, VBAC....however you are doing it......doula's are wonderful. Find one. Get one. Best decision I made this time around. While with Caroline's birth I felt regret and sadness with Mark's birth I regret nothing. I wouldn't change it now. I know that's how it was supposed to be and I couldn't ask for more. I am at peace and acceptance with everything that happened. I think I owe some of that to my awesome doula as well!
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